CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Reactions to Bereavement

Weeping over or for the dead: Ahmad and Abu
Hanifah considered weeping over or for the dead
permissible before and after death. Abu ls-haq Ash-Shirazi
had the same opinion, whereas Ash-Shafi'i and many of his
companions disliked weeping after death, and preferred it
to be at the time before the soul has left the body. As
evidence, they quoted the Hadith narrated on the authority
of Jabir Ibn 'Atik,that when the Messenger of Allah (pbuh)
went to visit 'Abdullah Ibn Thabit, he found that he had
become disabled. Then the Prophet (pbuh) called out to
him but he did not answer. Thereupon the Prophet (pbuh)
said: "To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return." Then
he said: "0 AburRabi'! (1.) (Your death is about to)

(1.) Transmitted by Abu Dawud (2774) At-Tirmidhi (1578), and
Ibn Majah.( 1394) on the authority of Abu Bakrah. AtTirmidhi
said it is a Hasan Gharib Hadith.
You may refer to Musnad Ahmad (1/191) and Sunan Abu
Dawud (2775) for more Hadiths on this point. (Translator)

overcome us." (Having heard this), women wept. Ibn 'Atik
tried to keep them silent, but the Prophet (pbuh) said: "Let
them (weep), but when it comes, let no woman weep."
They asked: "0 Messenger of Allah! What is it (that will
come)?" He said: "Death." (1)

In Sahih Muslim and Sahih Al-Bukhari, it is reported
on the authority of Ibn 'Umar that the Messenger of Allah
(pbuh) said:
"Verily, the dead person is tormented by the
weeping of his people over him." (2)

This obviously applies for weeping after death, for
the person is not to be called ""dead" before death.

Ibn 'Umar narrated that when the Messenger of Allah
(pbuh) came back from the battle of Uhud, he heard the
women of Banu 'Abdil-Ashhal weeping for their dead.
Then he said: "But there is no one weeping for Hamzah."
(the Prophet's uncle) Women from Al-Ansar came and

(I) Abu Dawud (311), and An-Nasa'i (4/ 13).)

(2) AI-Al-Bukhari (1286), and Muslim (928).


wept for Hamzah at the Prophet's house, to the extent that
they awoke him. Thereupon he said:

"Woe be to them, have they come to weep here
until this moment! Order them to go back,
and let them not weep for any dead person
from now on." (1)
(1) Musnad Ahmad (2/84), and Ibn Majah (1541)

This Hadith explicitly abrogates the permissibility
mentioned above.
The difference between weeping before death and
weeping after it, is that people wish for more time for the
dying person, so weeping then may convey their intention.
But when he dies, hope is of no use; weeping does not
change anything.
The jurists who allowed weeping in general reported
that Jabir Ibn 'Abdillah said: "In the battle of Uhud, my
father was fatally injured. I wept for him, but people tried
to prevent me, while the Prophet (pbuh) did not. My aunt,
Fatimah, started weeping too. Thereupon the Prophet
(pbuh) said:

"Whether you (Fatimah) wept or not, the
Angels kept overshadowing him with their
wings until they raised him up (i.e. to the
heavens)."(1)

Al-Bukhari and Muslim also narrated that Ibn
'Umar said: "Sa' d Ibn 'Ubadah fell ill. So the Prophet
(pbuh) went to visit him accompanied by 'AbdurRahman
Ibn 'Awf, Sa'd Ibn Abi Waqqas and 'Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud.
When the Prophet entered to see him, he found him
unconscious, then he asked: "Is he dead"? They said, "No,
0 Messenger of Allah." The Prophet started weeping.
When they saw that, they started weeping too. Thereupon
the Prophet said:
"Should you not listen? Certainly, Allah does
not torment because of weeping or grieving;
He however torments or pities because of this
(and pointed to his own tongue)". (2)

(1) Al-Bukhari (1244), and Muslim (2472).
(2) Al-Bukhari (1304), and Muslim (924)

Also, they quoted a part of the Hadith narrated by
Al-Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Usamah Ibn
Zayd. It reads: "When a son of one of the Prophet's
daughters was dying, he quickly went to her. When he
raised the boy up, he found his soul rattling, so that the
Prophet's eyes streamed with tears. (Having observed his
weeping), Sa'd said: "0 Messenger of Allah! What is this?"
The Prophet said: "'This is (out of) mercy that Allah puts in
the hearts of His servants. Surely, Allah bestows His mercy
on His merciful servants." (1)

In addition, this is a part of a Hadith narrated in
Musnad Ahmad on the authority of Ibn 'Abbas. It reads:
"When Ruqayyah, the daughter of the Prophet died,
women started weeping over her. 'Umar lashed them with
his whip, but the Prophet (pbuh) said:

"0 'Umar! Let them weep, but let none of you
croak like the Devil." Then he said:
"Whatever the eye or the heart may produce is
from Allah and out of mercy, but whatever
the hand or the tongue may produce is from
the Devil." (2)

(1) As mentioned before.
(2) Musnad Ahniad (1 /237, 238, 335).

Also in Musnad Ahmad, 'Aishah (may Allah be
pleased with her) reported that "When Sa'd lbn Mu'adh
died, the Prophet (pbuh), Abu Bakr and 'Umar were there.
She said: "By Him in whose hand my soul is, I recognized
Abu Bakr's weeping from that of 'Umar from my room. "(1)

Also in the Musnad, Abu Hurayrah reported: "A
funeral procession passed by the Prophet (pbuh), and I and
'Umar Ibnul-Khattab were with him. Women were
weeping, and when 'Umar scolded them, the Prophet
(pbuh) said:

"0 Ibnul-Khattab! Let them (weep), for the
soul is grieved, the eyes are full of tears, and
the event (i.e. death) is so close.'' (2)

In Jami' At-At-Tirmidhi, Jabir Ibn 'Abdillah reported:
"The Prophet (pbuh) took 'Abdur-Rahman Ibn 'Awf
and went quickly to see the latter's son, Ibraheem. They
found him dying. Then the Prophet (pbuh) took the boy,
put him on his lap, and started weeping 'Abdur-Rahman
said: "Are you weeping?" Did you not forbid weeping?"
The Prophet said:

"No but I forbade two foolish and wicked
voices, one of which is the voice at (the time
of) bereavement, scratches the face and
cleaves the (outer) garment, and the other is
the croaking of the Devil." (3)

(1) Musnad Ahmad (6/142).

(2) Musnad Ahmad (2/110), An-Nasa'i (4/19), and Ibn Majah
(1587).
(3) Sunan At-At-Tirmidhi (1005.) At-At-Tirmidhi said it is a
Hasan Hadith


It is authenticated that the Prophet (pbuh) once
visited his mother's grave and wept there so that his weeping
caused his fellows to weep too. (1)

It is also authenticated that the Prophet (pbuh) kissed
'Uthman Ibn Maz'un until tears streamed over his face. (2)

In addition, it is authenticated that the Prophet
(pbuh) announced the death of Ja'far and those who were
martyred with him, while his eyes were shedding tears. (3)

Finally, Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) is
authenticated to have said that he kissed the Prophet
(pbuh) after his death and shed tears for him 4)

These are twelve proofs which indicate that weeping
is not reprehensible. So the Hadiths preventing weeping
should be considered to be connected with that kind of
weeping which is accompanied with loud mourning and
screaming. We read in the Hadith narrated on the authority
of 'Umar: "The dead person is tormented because of the
weeping of some of his people over him." And we read in
another narration: is tormented because of the wailing
over him".

(1) Muslim (976), as narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah.
(2) Abu Dawud (3163), At-Tirmidhi (989), and Ibn Majah
(1456), as narrated on the authority of 'Aishah (may Allah be
pleased with her).
(3) Al-Bukhari (3757), as narrated on the authority of Anas.
(4) Al-Bukhari (1241), as narrated on the authority of
'Aishah.

And, Al-Bukhari reported in his Sahih that
'Umar said: "Let them weep over Abu Sulayman (i.e.
Khalid Ibn ul Walid) so long as there is no dust pouring (on
themselves) or screaming." (1)

Regarding the claim of abrogation in the Hadith of
Hamzah, it has no proof, for it particularly referred to
preventing those women from weeping any longer over the
martyrs of Uhud. This is indicated by the fact that most
texts that prevent weeping preceded the battle of Uhud.
Among these Hadiths is one narrated, by Abu Hurayrah
whose adoption of Islam and companionship with the
Prophet took place in the seventh year after Hijrah.
Another Hadith spoke of the weeping for Ja 'far and those
who were martyred with hlm and this was in the eighth
year. Also, we have, the Hadith concerning weeping over
Zaynab's death, which was in the eighth year as well.

The Hadith regarding weeping over Sa'd Ibn Mu'adh
was in the fifth year. This section of Hadiths includes also
the Hadith which spoke of the Prophet's weeping at the
grave of his mother, and this was in the eighth year; the
year when Mekka was conquered.

(1) Al-Bukhari, the Book of Funeral, the chapter on Wailing over
the Dead. look Fat-hul-Bari (3/160).

In reply to the saying that weeping is allowed before
death, as a translation of a hopeful outlook, and as a ruling
different from weeping after death, it may be said that
weeping before death usually comes from grief, so as
grieving after death is more difficult, the permission to
weep is more recommended than in the case of hoping for
a longer lifetime for the dying person. In this context, the
Prophet said:
"The eye may shed tears and the heart may
grieve, but we do not say (words) which enrage
the Lord. 0 Ibraheem! We are certainly
grieved by your (death)." (1)

Ahmad held that mourning and wailing are
prohibited. It is narrated that he considered wailing to be a
sin. The followers of Ash-Shafi'i and others said: "Wailing
is prohibited." Ibn 'Abdul-Bar said: "Jurists are in
consensus that wailing is not allowed neither for men nor
for women." Additionally, some later followers of Imam
Ahmad said: "It is counted as reprehensible for securing
uprightness" These are the words cited by Abul-Khattab in
"Al-Hidayah" (Guidance) AbulKhattab added: "Mourning,
wailing, scratching the face, cleaving the outer garment and
walking barefooted (to express one's grieving) are all
reprehensible."

Prohibition is more virtuous here, since there is a
Hadith in Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim narrated on
the authority of Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud that the Prophet
(pbuh) said:
"Whoever beats the cheeks (i.e. slaps himself),
cleaves the (outer) garment and cries out in
the manner of Jahiliyyah (i.e. Pre-Islamic
Period) is not one of us." (2)

(1) Narrated by Al-Bukhari (1303), and Muslim (2315) on the
authority of Anas.
(2) Al-Bukhari (1298), am Muslim (103).

Abu Burdah reported that when Abu Musa was ill,
he fainted while his head rested in the lap of one of the
women (1) of his family. Another one of those women called
out to him but he said nothing. When he awoke he said: "I
am free from that which the Messenger of Allah (pbuh)
was free, for the Messenger of Allah said that he is free
from the woman who cries out, the woman who gets her
hair cut, and the woman who cleaves her garment (at the
time of bereavement)." (2)

Al-Mughirah Ibn Shu 'bah reported that he heard the
Prophet (pbuh) as saying:

"He who is wailed for gets tormented due to
that wailing. (3)

Ummu- 'Atiyyah reported: "When the Messenger of
Allah (pbuh) took our allegiance, a part of it was that we
had not to wail (for a dead person), but only five women
fulfilled the promise." (4)

Ibn 'Umar reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:

"The dead person is tormented in his grave
because of the wailing done for him." (5)

(1) AI-Bukhari (1298), and Muslim (103).
(2) Al-Bukhari (1296), and Muslim (104)
(3)Al-Bukhari (1291), and Muslim (933).
(4)Al-Bukhari (1305), and Muslim (936).
(5) AI-Bukhari (1292)

Abu Malik Al-Ash'ari reported that the Prophet
(pbuh) said:

"There are four deeds of Jahiliyyah, which my
nation are not going to desert: Feeling proud
of noble origins, vilifying lineage, asking for
rain by (the mediation of) the stars, and
wailing (for the dead)."

He also said:

"If the wailing woman does not offer
repentance before she dies, she will be
resurrected on the Day of Resurrection with a
garment of liquid pitch and a shabby coat of
mail."(1)

In Sunan Abu Dawud, it is reported that a woman of
those who gave their allegiance to the Prophet (pbuh)
said:"A part of the allegiance we gave to the Prophet
(pbuh) concerning the just matters that we promised not to
disobey in was that we had not to scratch the face, cry out
in wailing, cleave the garments, or scatter the hair. "(2)

Also Anas reported: "When the Prophet (pbuh) took
allegiance from the women he stipulated that they were not
to wail. So they said to him: "0 Messenger of Allah! In
Jahiliyyah, some women helped us in wailing for our dead,
could we do the same for theirs in Islam?" The Prophet
said:
"In Islam, there is no help in wailing." (3)

(1) Muslim (934).
(2) Abu Dawud (3131 ).
(3) Musnad Ahmad (3/197), and An-Nasa'i (4116)


Another Hadith which has been mentioned
previously reads: "Whatever thing that the hand or the
tongue may produce is from the Devil." and the Hadith,
"I forbade two foolish and wicked voices, one
of which is that which at (the time of)
bereavement scratches the face and cleaves
the garments, and (the other is) the croaking
of the Devil."

Abu Musa reported the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) to
have said:

"The dead person is tormented because of the
wailing of the living one. When the woman
wailing says: 0 My forearm (i.e. my helper.),
my supporter, my provider of clothes, (the
angels) draw the dead man (concerned) and
say to him: "Are you her forearn, are you her
supporter, are you her provider of clothes?"(1)

An-Nu'man Ibn Bashir reported: "When 'Abdullah
Ibn Rawahah, fell unconscious, his sister, 'Amrah, started
weeping and said: "0 My mountain.", and went on saying
similar expressions in grief When he awoke, 'Abdullah
said: "Every time you called out upon me I was asked:
"Are you as she said?" So when he died, she did not (even)
weep over him" (2)

(1)Musnad Ahrnad (4/414).
(2) Al-Bukhari ( 4267).

How could such deeds not be prohibited while they
include expressing dissatisfaction with fate, contradict
patience and inflict harm upon the self? This is made
manifest in slapping the face, having the hair cut or
depilated, invoking against the self, complaining against
Allah (Glory be to Him), destroying property through
cleaving and tearing clothes, and saying things about the
dead person that he never did. Obviously, prohibition can
be confirmed with a few of these proofs.

Those who counted mere mourning and wailing as
permissible but also reprehensible quoted some texts to
prove their idea. Harb reported from Wathilah Ibn Al Asqa'
and Abu Wa'il that they used to hear people wailing but
kept silent.
They also quoted what Ummu-'Atiyyah reported:
"When Allah revealed the Verse reading:

{ 0 Prophet when believing women come to
thee to take the oath of fealty to thee, that
they will not associate in worship any other
thing whatever with Allah.", to" and that they
will not disobey thee in any just matter.}
(Al-Mumtahanah: 12)

Wailing was included in the Verse. So I said to the
Prophet: "0 Messenger of Allah! The so-and-so family
wailed with me in Jahiliyyah, could I do the same with
them too?'' He said: "Only with this family. " (1)

(1) Muslim (937)


In another narration, she said: "When we gave
allegiance to the Prophet (pbuh) he recited:'' .. . that they
will not associate in worship any other thing whatever with
Allah .. " (To the end of the Verse), and forbade wailing.
Then a woman said: "But a woman wailed with me and I
want to return her help." Ummu 'Atiyyah said: "The
Prophet said nothing to her. She then went out, came back,
and gave her promise to the Prophet."

They said that this permission which was given to
some of them indicates that its being forbidden was only
set for securing uprightness not for prohibition. But it must
be counted as one of the deeds, which include nothing of
the fore-mentioned evil expressions.

As for those who regarded it as prohibited, they said:
Never contradict the Sunnah of the Prophet for the sake of
anybody whoever he may be, nor use its parts against one
another. Still, the texts we have quoted are sure, sound and
explicit, so that they stand in no needed interpretation.
Moreover, they are unanimously agreed upon.

As regards the woman to whom the Prophet (pbuh)
said, "Only with this family.", and the woman to whom he
said nothing in reply, this was done especially for them for
two reasons:

Firstly: The Prophet (pbuh) said to other women
when they asked him the same question:

"In Islam, there is no help in wailing".

Secondly: When the Prophet (pbuh) dealt with the
two women in that way, they were still newly reverted
Muslims, to the extent that they were not able to
distinguish between the permissible and the prohibited in
such matters. Moreover, it was not reasonable to delay
explanation when needed. Therefore it may be clear that
this ruling was directed only to them.

It is not forbidden that one should say truthful words
to express his grief for they do not contradict the
prescribed holding of patience. Anas reported that Abu
Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) entered to the
Prophet, after his death, and put his lips between the
Prophet's eyes and his hand on his temples and said: "0
My Prophet, my chosen and close friend!" (1)

Anas also reported: ''When heavy suffering overcame
the Prophet (pbuh), Fatima said: "How much my father is
suffering!" Thereupon the Prophet (pbuh) said:

"Your father is not going to suffer after today."

When he died, she said: "0 My father! Your Lord
has answered your invocation and the Firdaws (Paradise)
will be your resting-place. 0 My father! I am announcing
your death to Jebreel." And when he had already been
buried she said: "0 Anas! Did you dare pour soil upon the
Messenger of Allah! (2)

(1) Musnad Ahmad.
(2) Al-Bukhari (4462)


Moreover, the Prophet (pbuh) said:
"0 lbraheem! We are certainly grieved by your
(death)."

Such words, which contain no complaint of the fate
concerned, or of the Lord, or that which enrages Him, are
given the same ruling for mere weeping.

As for the Prophet's saying:

"Verily, the dead person is tormented because
of the wailing over him",

It is authentically narrated on the authority of 'Umar
lbnul-Khattab, his son, 'Abdullah, and others. However,
people differed in the ways of handling this question: Some
group said that Allah manages things as He wills, as the
reasons of His actions are not to be sought after. Besides,
there is no difference between tormenting due to wailing
over the dead person and tormenting as a punishment for
the sins he had committed. This is because Allah is the
Creator of everything, and He hurts even animals, children
and lunatics according to his will.

Another group said that these Hadiths are not authentic,
and 'A 'ishah, the mother of believers denied them
and quoted as a proof the Verse reading:

{ No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of
another.}
(Al-An'am: 164).

And when she heard what 'Umar and his son narrated,
she said: "You are surely reporting from such people
who are not liable to lie or be accused, but ears may
mishear." Then she said: "It is that the Prophet (pbuh)
passed by a grave of a Jewish man and said:

"Verily, the man in this grave is being
tormented and his family are weeping for
him." (1)

(1) Muslim (929).

In another narration, she is reported to have
said,

"Verily, Allah increases the torment for the
disbeliever by his family's weeping for
him."(2)

(2) Al-Bukhari (1287), and Muslim (929).

She added: "How sufficient for you is the Qur'an:
{ No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of
another. }
(Al-An'am: 164)

Another sect including Al-Mazni and others said:
"The burden of wailing is to be borne by the
one who makes it as a will, if it is one of their
customs."

A further group said that it is to be borne by the one
who initially sets it as a convention, so long as he does not
retract and prevent his people from continuing, since if he
neglects to prevent it, this means. that he is still satisfied
with the action being committed. This is related to lbn ul Mubarak
and others.

Abul-Barakat Ibn Taymiyyah said: "This is the most
proper opinion, as man is counted as neglectful when he
thinks that his people' commit such a mistake and yet does
not prevent them from repeating it. In doing so, he
resembles the one who neglects to forbid maleficence when
he is able to do so.

But when man advises his people to stop and they
refuse to listen, thus Allah is too Generous to torment him.
Now the question may be settled through pondering the
Verse and the general meaning of the Hadith. 'A'ishah's
denial of the Hadith, with this authentic group of narrators
is not necessarily to be relied upon, since those narrators
may have attended Hadith occasions which she had not.
Moreover, the probability of oblivion or mistake is quite
unlikely, especially with five such great Companions.

The Prophet's (pbuh) saying about the Jewish man,
does not contradict the probability that those five narrators
had narrated the other Hadith at other times. It is worth
nothing that 'A 'ishah herself disproved her own narration
by another one she had reported as stating that the Prophet
(pbuh) said,

"Verily, Allah increases the torment of the
disbeliever by his family's weeping for him."

Since increasing the disbeliever's torment is not
prevented as a result of others' actions, although it thus
contradicts the manifest meaning of the Verse, it does not
similarly prevent it as regards the Muslim. Furthermore,
since Allah never inflicts wrong upon His Muslim servant,
He does not inflict it upon the disbeliever either. And,
Allah knows best.

These Hadiths do not contain any contradiction to
the manifest meaning of the Qur'an or a Shari'a rule, or a
punishment to be applied to a man by the mistake
committed by another. The Prophet (pbuh) did not say that
the dead person is punished as a result of the weeping of
his family for him; he however said that he is "tormented"
by this. This no doubt causes pain and suffering to him.
Such pain is only what he receives, and it is more general
than punishment. As a rule, it is not a requisite that the
general should be connected to the specific. To illustrate,
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) said:

"Travelling is a piece of torment" (1)

This kind of torment is undertaken by both the
believers and the disbelievers, even the dead person suffers
from the punishment received by his grave-fellow just as
the living person is hurt by the punishment inflicted upon
his neighbour. Reflecting on this, and according to our
Sheikh's way of dealing with such Hadiths, it may be
maintained that if the people of the dead person weep for
him in the prohibited manner which pertains to the
Jahiliyyah period, and this behavior is a part of their
conventions, then the dead person receives the torment for
it in his grave. Thus, the pain undertaken is the torment
meant in the Hadith. May Allah guide us all to what is
sound and upright! Ameen!
(1) (A1-Bukhari (1804), and Muslim (1927)